Airport Insecurity

Of lax security and wonderous hijackings of airoplanes. Let's bring back the old days when Airport Security folk were the bottom of the barrel minimum wage, "I don't get paid enough to give a shit" workers protecting the friendly skies. Yes, let's got back to the days where businesses ran the gates of security with competitive contract bidding for the lowest possible price to protect you and I from the kneiving terrorists. After all it worked all these times! Let's make a list of people who travel frequently, and once you reach 100,000 frequent flyer miles you don't have to be screened anymore. That sounds like a bright idea, makes total sense. It's not like if I were a terrorist and had access to enough cash from Osama Bin Hidin's Bank Roll I couldn't rack enough miles to be exempt right? After all my brown skin would surely tip off the $5.05 an hour high school kid tripping out on shrooms and looking at the color x-ray as if it were an intriguing episode of South Park. I mean, if I were a terrorist and was able to keep my ass out of terrorist activities just long enough to be exempt from being screened I wouldn't dare dream of taking that opportunity to blow a plane up or anything.

Besides this Federal Commy Security system has me waiting too fucking long to get on a plane. Particularly becase I like to bring knives and small weapons on board with me. In case a terrorist does show up, then I can kill him with my pocket knife. I mean ever since they locked those cockpit doors you know pilots are just gonna let whatever happens in the back of the plane happen. So long as those selfish bastards that are flying the plane get to land their assess safely on the ground why the hell would they want to care about the people in the back!

For all these wonderful ideas on how airport security should be handled, I nominate John Tierney to Airport Security Czar.