Media in Trouble: All the news thats UNfit to print!: Credibil-o-meter

"The information of the people at large can alone make them safe, as they are the sole depositary of our political and religious freedom." --Thomas Jefferson 1810

Monday, August 15, 2005


GODDAMN does this President know how to say the most stupidest shit I think any President of this nation has ever spewed from their mouths. Virtually everyone left right and center say the prez should get out there and invite Cindy Sheehan inside for some steers and beers. If only he could work it in between his busy schedule including, but not limited to, brush clearing, napping, reading, bikefalling, fund-raising, and... well "his own life" that he has to "get on" with.

Never mind the fact that as commander in cheif during a war that he started is taking yet another long ass vacation. Cindy Sheehan's request for a meeting is not only within the limits of normalcy, it is constitutionally guaranteed under the 1st Ammendment to the Constitution of the United States where any citizen (certainly one that gave birth to a soldier who later died in the service of his country and his President and Commander in Chief) is given the right to peaceably assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievance.

If loosing a son in a war that this president is ultimately responsible for isn't a grievance worthy of redress than I have no fucking clue what is at this point.

And how can the the president who ran as a "compassionate conservative" prefer a nap to being compasionate with a mother like Ms. Sheehan? Why the fuck would a Commander in Chief during wartime be taking naps? Aren't there important military decisions that a Commander in Chief needs to know about or be breifed on, being that he is ultimately responsible for any decision made on the battlefield? Why the fuck would a Commander in Chief who has enough time for reading novels and riding bikes (with famous cancer survivors) not have any time to meet with a mother of a soldier that was killed under his command (ie. the mother of a war un-survivor)? It would be one thing of the Commander in Chief was basically busy doing war shit. However, napping, reading and fund-raising (for the RNC) do not war shit make.

Byron "VLWC" York on Press the Meat basically laid out why Cindy's plight has no bearing:
MR. YORK: Of a site called And she said--she thanked her anti-war bloggers for all their support. She said, "Thank God for the Internet. Without it, we'd already be a fascist state because one party controls everything, and the mainstream media is the propaganda tool of the government."

Now, this is the kind of rhetoric that you normally associate with fringe elements on the left. And if she does more of that, I think she'll diminish her own credibility.

Thus is the problem of Cindy Sheehan and her recent comingling with members of the Vast Left Wing Conspiracy. She, and we simply don't have any credibility. Only right wingers have credibility because... well because Byron York said so?

NAY, Media In Trouble has learned why only the Right has any credibility and why even though most of the time Lefties are alone in truth telling, we somehow have lost all signs and simptoms of the ellusive statistic of credibility. The excellent yet well guarded secret to the right's success at garnering credibiltiy. Ladies and Gentlemen of the left...The Credibil-o-meter!

The right has been using them for centuries! A Credibil-o-meter looks a lot like a VU meter in that it gives an instant reading of how credible something is as it is being said or written. Though I have never seen such a device, I have heard descriptions and have even seen drawrings of them. Apparently everyone on the right with a blog, syndicated column, or even access to a microphone at FOX news has one. Why GM even offers in-dash Credibil-o-meters in almost all the SUV's it produces to Passport holding citzens of Wingnuttia. The Credibil-o-meter measures credibility in ICU's. Not to be confused with hospital sections devoted to treating patients in seriously critical conditions (like say some of the soldiers comming home from Iraq), ICU's are International Credibility Units. ICU's are the only international unit for measuring credibility. The scale in which Credibility units are measured was determined long ago by Masonic Secret Societies and were hidden for many years in paintings by Leonardo Da Vinci. Somewhere between deciphering the Fabionacci sequences and applying Boyle's law in conjunction with the Pythagorean Theorem, lies the secret decoding of words into ICU's. This is the genious of the Credibil-o-meter. You see anyone posessing a Credibil-o-meter can vary their speech in order to achieve high levels of credibility. Before giving an example of how a Credibil-o-meter is used, please take into account the scale on which one operates. The scale runs from "complete and utter bullshit" to "It's so true, it's in the Bible." In between are varying levels of "Come On" (typically shows up on Bil O'Reilly's meter), "Rat shit", "Phony-Baloney", "Fugaizee", "Even Science has Proven it", and my favorite "Intelligently Designed." I'll let you the reader figure out to which side of the scale these reside in.

Take Colin Powell's famous UN speech. It was obvious his Credibil-o-meter was pointing towards the "complete and utter bullshit" side of the scale (perhaps teetering in the "Intelligently Designed" portion of the scale) when he pulled out that vial of anthrax. That gesture alone changed his Credibil-o-meter to just shy of "it's so true, it' in the bible" pointing to "truth by fear." President Bush's Credibil-o-meter is constantly wavering from one side to the other although it typically resides on the "right" side of the scale (that which tips towards "complete and utter bullshit"). Actually the president goes through Credibil-o-meters like underwear. It seems he manages to break one at least every State of the Union address where facts and bullshit intermingle constantly with lies, deceptions, and fear mongering. Since he is the President (and not Cindy Sheehan) he gets a new one everytime he breaks one.

The problem with credibilitometer's are their cost. These fundamentally obscure and complicated devices are priced so that you cannot just waltz into a WalMart and get one. As such we on the left need whole fundraisers specifically aimed at buying our operatives their very own credibilitometers. Since Credibil-o-meters are factory callibrated for right winger use, we on the left will have to callibrate our Credibil-o-meters differently. We may need customized meters.

So bloggers, while the Presidential Vacation is starting to look like a crazy boondoggle of napping, brush clearing, reading, golfing, fishing, bike riding (and falling, I'm sure), pretzel eating, turd stomping, cattle ropin', and just plain old fasioned Texas BBQ, we on the left should stop Cindy Sheehan dead in her tracks and start using this "media whore" to generate some funds so that we can all buy some Credibil-o-meters. This way when the next Cindy Sheehan camps outside of the Crawford Ranch during the next Presidential Vacation (we have at least 53 more to look forward to), we will be able to support our claims in hard data points such as ICU's rather than just plain old words and pesky facts.